It’s no secret that as a woman ages, her body tends to go through certain changes. This is especially the case once she reaches the perimenopause stage, which can actually start a decade before she goes into full menopause. When this happens, your estrogen levels tend to drop and sometimes that can affect your libido.
Adding to that, many woman over 40 have been in a committed relationship for a significant amount of time. And while the love remains, sometimes the fun, spice and spontaneity in the bedroom can be lacking—or rather, lagging just a bit as well.
If you’re someone who can relate to not having the kind of sex life that you used to have or want to have, but you’re not quite sure what to do, luckily, there are all kinds of steps that you can take to boost up your sex drive. It’s all about paying attention to your mind, body and spirit and then making sure that they all get what they need in order to add more life (and other things) to your bedroom again.
See your doctor. The first thing that you should do is see your doctor. Sure, you can find all sorts of information on search engines like Google, Yahoo and Bing, but nothing beats having a professional check you out, do some blood work and run a few tests. If you discover that you’re in optimal health, great! If not, the good news is your physician will know just what to do to get you and your hormones back on track.
Eat “sexy” food. The saying “you are what you eat” applies to everything; including your desire for sex. For instance, if you eat a lot of sugar, that can cause you to experience fatigue at the end of the day. If you don’t drink enough water, being dehydrated can also cause you to feel pretty sluggish. On the other hand, there are foods you can eat that are considered to be natural aphrodisiacs. Avocados are high in Vitamin B which can increase your energy levels. Honey contains boron which is a natural estrogen regulator (so are Bing cherries, by the way). Figs are loaded with potassium and antioxidants (the healthier you are, the sexier you’ll feel). Strawberries keep blood circulation going to all parts of your body. Chocolate will raise your dopamine levels; this is good because that increases feelings of pleasure. And of course, there are oysters. The amino acids found in them can trigger sex hormones within the body.
Pamper yourself. A lot of women don’t feel like having sex simply because they don’t feel as good about themselves as they should. Sexy is as sexy does—and that doesn’t only apply to one room of your house. Doing things like getting your hair, nails and toes done (regularly), scheduling monthly massages, taking bubble baths, drinking a glass of wine a couple of times per week and wearing sexy lingerie whether sex is on the menu or not—these are all ways to pamper yourself. And the more luxuriant you feel, the more you’ll want to share that feeling with someone special.
Tend to your greatest sex organ. Sex drives don’t start getting revved up by what’s going on below the waist. For a man, they need to be visually stimulated (the eyes). For a woman, it’s all about being mentally seduced. If you have the kind of companion who brings new meaning to “wham, bam, thank you ma’am”, it’s no wonder that you’re not interested in engaging a lot of the time. It’s OK to share with your partner what you need to desire sex and them. Communication is key to a healthy relationship and rewarding sex life. If your mind and spirit are “fed” first…your body will follow.
Talk about sex (outside of your bedroom). If you’re not happy with the way things are going in the bedroom, the worst possible place to talk about it is…in the bedroom! If you would like more foreplay, if you want to try some new positions, if there are certain things your partner does that drives you crazy (and not in a good way), but you’ve been holding back (and possibly even “faking it”) to not hurt their feelings), you’re not doing anyone any good by keeping silent. Schedule a lunch where the two of you can talk about what you like and don’t like, need and don’t need. Oh, and try not to start the conversation by saying “So, you know I’ve been faking it for a while now, right?” Take an approach that’s more in the lane of “I love you and I want our love making to continue to be a reflection of that. Can we both talk a bit about what we both need more of in order to make that happen?” When you want hotter sex, the gentle approach is always best.
Start foreplay (outside of your bedroom). Some people don’t need foreplay in order to enjoy having sex. They are the exception and not the rule, though. And when it comes to what a woman considers to be foreplay, oftentimes it starts way before their feet hit their bedroom door. Share with your significant other that no matter how long you’ve been together, being romanced never gets old. You like getting sexy texts throughout the day, a card in your purse, flowers for no reason, a foot massage or dinner waiting for you when you get home. Foreplay can be all kinds of things but the main purpose of it should not only be to “get the party started”. It should be about wanting to show the one you care about that you’re so into them that sex is the icing on the cake—the culmination of feelings and expression, if you will. And so, you’re in no rush. When it comes to showing how much your lover means to you, you’re definitely willing to take the scenic route.
Engage in hotel sex. If you can’t remember the last time you and yours booked a room at a hotel, it’s been way too long. Aside from the fact that there’s nothing like going to a place where you don’t have to worry about cleaning up, hotel beds are awesome (especially the mattresses)! Being in a place where you can get a little rest and relaxation, without the pressures from your “outside world”, that makes for a great environment to have some pretty powerful sex. So, whether it’s a weekend trip in another town or a hotel up the road, do your relationship and sex life a favor and be sure to book a room! The sooner the better. Trust us.